I've gotta be honest with you about something - I love to love.
The day I realized I could never crawl inside my man’s head and just exist in there with him, I almost cried. It made me feel like I’d never TRULY know anyone, and that felt tragic.
When creatives love, we love hard.
We notice every tiny facial movement and slight inflection of voice that could hint at disappointment. We end up intuitively adjusting our lives to make our partner happy - often times without even realizing it.
I stopped listening to electronic music (my fav) because I knew he thought it was lame.
I changed the colors I wore to his fav - muted earth tones. Eventually it even began to affect my art. I’d worry about his opinion of what I created.
I lost sight of who I was - and what was most important to ME.
So, why am I telling you all this?
Because I want to share with you exactly how I cultivate my creativity - even when it gets personal or isn’t pretty. Also, if I’ve had these relationship patterns hold me back from expressing my true self, then I’m sure someone else has - and they could benefit from hearing this.
We creatives have an amazing capacity for deep love and devotion - but it comes with a danger of losing ourselves, along with our creative mission.
I’ve been single for almost a year now, the longest since age 15. That’s almost 15 years of back to back boyfriends. Fucking A!!!!
Looking back I’ve realized I've done it to myself over and over. I prioritize making a relationship work, and put my personal creative goals on the back burner.
The passion and energy that I could be channeling into amazing creations goes into a person or relationship instead.
I'm not saying we have to be single to create. But I am STILL figuring out how to not obsess when I like someone a lot. And I've learned that I never EVER want to put my creativity second, or lose sight of who I am again.
The world needs each of us to bloom into our own amazing, creative selves.
Have you struggled with balancing relationships and creative work in your own life?
Reply in the comments below - I'd love to start a conversation.